LENNIE'S CORNED BEEF DINNER

Steps:

• Please note that I've never written this down before, so measurements like the "1 tbsp kosher salt" are just approximations on my part; go with whatever seems right to you.
• When you're ready to start cooking, get out your biggest pot, then put that one back and get a bigger one; really.
• Into the pot goes the corned beef, taken out of its plastic casing.
• Note about corned beef: I have never bought one that had spices separate, but I've read that here at Zaar, that some have the spices in a separate little package; if your spices are separate, open up the package and put them in with the beef too.
• Pour about 3 cups of apple juice over beef, then add enough cold water to completely cover the meat.
• Turn the heat under the pot to high and bring to a boil.
• Add 1/2 cup (not tightly packed) brown sugar to the liquid, along with mustard seeds.
• When the liquid comes to a boil, skim off any scum (you won't get it all; that's not a big deal), turn the heat way down, put the lid on the pot, and simmer for 2 hours.
• While meat is simmering, prepare the veggies.
• Cut some wedges off your cabbage (I never use the whole thing unless it was a very small cabbage).
• Peel some carrots and cut into chunks (I recommend 4 carrots but you can use less, or more, depending on how much you like them); peel some parsnips and do likewise.
• Peel a couple of onions but leave the root end on; cut in half, through the root end, then in half again, through the root end (in an ideal world, this prevents the wedges from coming apart; don't be surprised if some of them do not stay in perfect segments however).
• Get someone strong to cut the rutabaga in half, then in half again; peel; cut into chunks, not too big (just under an inch or so is fine). I use about three-quarters of the rutabaga, but if you want to use the whole thing, go for it; or, use less if you want.
• Don't do anything to the potatoes but rinse them to get off any dirt.
• Wait for the 2 hours to be up.
• When your timer dings, add all the veggies except the cabbage into the pot, turn the heat back up to high, and let it come back to a boil (I add the kosher salt and black pepper at this point, but you don't have to).
• If you have to add more liquid (you likely won't), add half apple juice and half water.
• When the liquid comes back to a boil, turn it down to a simmer, put the lid back on, and cook for 15 minutes.
• When the 15 mins are up, remove lid and set it aside; you won't need it any more.
• Add cabbage to pot, curse if liquid in pot overflows, then turn heat back up to high, and when liquid comes to a boil turn heat back down to a simmer and let cook until all the veggies are done to your liking (I don't know how soft you like your turnip, cabbage, etc, but mine usually takes approximately 20 to 25 minutes after I add the cabbage).
• When done, fish out corned beef and put on a chopping board.
• Then, using a slotted spoon, get the veggies and arrange attractively on platter so your MIL will be impressed; carve up meat and place on another platter.
• Make sure salt, pepper and butter are on the table, along with an assortment of mustards.
• Realize you forgot to make the soda bread; and serve.